I get it now Lord. The Fast Hot Rod that I felt you were calling me into is not a vehicle to get me to my determination in a shorter amount of time, it is however an actual fast. God you have called me to get a handle on my eating and what better way than to ask you to help me break my addiction through a fast. I am not sure what this fast entails. I do know that I will be permited liquids and soups. I believe God is calling me to eat pureed food during the day and one healthy balenced meal at 6:00 pm. I had a very difficult time figuring out what I was supposed to do. When it comes to food, It screams so loudly to me that it is hard forme to here what the Lor wants for me.
I commit now to a fast on this journey Lord. Strengthen me that I may know when I am supposed to eat and what I am supposed to eat. If and when I fail lord, show grace and mercy to me. Allow me to have strength to start again and not give up. Speak to my soul Holy Spirit so I can hear you.
In your son's holy name, Jesus, I give you this now. Amen
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Off the Wagon and Jumping into a Hot Rod
Retched! One week of busy schedules and an almost two year old teething and I am off the wagon and eating bread and sugar. This is the time when most people would say to me, "It's okay hon, tomorrow is another day." Well tomorrow is here and another and another and another and cotton pickin how easy is it to return to your old ways. I know a dog returns to its vomit. I have watched in utter disgust while our 7 year old boston terrier enjoys his meals a second time. And yet I can't help but wonder if that is not how God looks at my measly attempts.
I know that I should not beat myself up......and for all intense purposes I feel I am doing quite well compared to former Wagon "Stops" but I can't help but think how ridiculous it is for me to have to continue to get the courage to even stand up to the giant now that taunts me and knows my first middle and last name. So here I go again. Our church just finished a remarkable week of spiritual growth, God showed himself faithful in so many areas. Salvations and healings took place and I would be dishonest if I said I wasn't expecting something from God. I wanted a supernatural shrinking. There are many accounts of his glory falling in a room and people dropping dress and pant sizes. I had a longing for this to be the case, But then I realized that God is healing me. It's more than the outside weight that He wants to take from me.
He wants to take the pain, the emotional connection I have with food and the stress of my life away. He wants to heal me from the inside. He wants me to flourish in all of the gifts of the fruit. Not just the ones that are easy for me.
So now I am once again jumping into God's word and his will for my life. I am an addict. Today an addict in rehab. But I don't want to focus on the trial instead let me just say that I am leaving the wagon behind. To many times falling off has given me a bruised bottom. Instead, God just pulled up in my favorite muscle car, and He and I will start a new journey today in His Hot Rod.
I know that I should not beat myself up......and for all intense purposes I feel I am doing quite well compared to former Wagon "Stops" but I can't help but think how ridiculous it is for me to have to continue to get the courage to even stand up to the giant now that taunts me and knows my first middle and last name. So here I go again. Our church just finished a remarkable week of spiritual growth, God showed himself faithful in so many areas. Salvations and healings took place and I would be dishonest if I said I wasn't expecting something from God. I wanted a supernatural shrinking. There are many accounts of his glory falling in a room and people dropping dress and pant sizes. I had a longing for this to be the case, But then I realized that God is healing me. It's more than the outside weight that He wants to take from me.
He wants to take the pain, the emotional connection I have with food and the stress of my life away. He wants to heal me from the inside. He wants me to flourish in all of the gifts of the fruit. Not just the ones that are easy for me.
So now I am once again jumping into God's word and his will for my life. I am an addict. Today an addict in rehab. But I don't want to focus on the trial instead let me just say that I am leaving the wagon behind. To many times falling off has given me a bruised bottom. Instead, God just pulled up in my favorite muscle car, and He and I will start a new journey today in His Hot Rod.
Monday, June 15, 2009
Is my offering acceptable?
It is the second night now of my journey and I couldn't wait to see what God has for me. It is more exciting then when I was little and got captivated by the Little House on the Prairie series by Laura Ingles Wilder. I think I finished the whole set in two days. I want to know what God has for me. I want to know Him and experience what He has for me.
I was very conscience today of my eating. Overall I feel like a new person. Praise God for his faithfulness. I have 1 day down and my next is about to dawn. It is now 5 am and once again all that is happening in my home is the dryer and the fish tank with a chorus of birds beginning outside.
I imagine that what I am feeling inside is something like that of a soldier sent off to battle. Anxiety about the day ahead, fear of what may come, restlessness about the battle and excitement to put all that you have worked and trained into motion. (I admire greatly the discipline and calling of our men and women in all branches of the military and ask God now to protect them and be with them.) I know that my anxiety of possible failure can be replaced by God's everlasting grace and peace, that the fear will disappear when I know more about who God is and feel confident in His word. The restlessness in my spirit is there so that I can stay focused on Him and hold on to him with every last breath,
Malachi 3 verses 6-12
I feel like God is leading me to this scripture tonight. The holy spirit is urging me to make sure that our tithe is current and that we exhibit good stewardship with our finances. Scripture states that you tithe so that no curse will come on my house. I also know that Jesus' blood covered the old testiment laws. But they were still there to bring blessings on God's people and if God is the same yesturday today and forever His blessings would be the same too. It's more than just the financial however, it is about trust. This past year has been so difficult financially for our household. We had a budget that was based on a two salary income. How devastating when we realized that my income would not happen. God is faithful and because of who He is we have been able to survive up to this point. My famiy has helped us out considerably be differing our rent for a time. But in all of this God has shown himself strong to us. So do I trust Him? Do I believe He loves me enough to care about my every need? I know that my earthly father does. How much more does God care?
I repent God of withholding tithes and offerings and not making them my first financial priority. I repent of not putting all my trust in you. I will gladly give out of a place of Praise to you because this is what you ask of me. I will trust you with all my finances and with my very physical self. I become a temple and my heart an alter to you my king. Send me oportunities to prove my trust to you God. Give me more of you that my inner soul becomes flooded with your love and mercy. I turn to you God and run, sprint to your throne room and ask boldly, "Will you do a work in me God? Make me more like you God. Speak to me and I will listen......."
I was very conscience today of my eating. Overall I feel like a new person. Praise God for his faithfulness. I have 1 day down and my next is about to dawn. It is now 5 am and once again all that is happening in my home is the dryer and the fish tank with a chorus of birds beginning outside.
I imagine that what I am feeling inside is something like that of a soldier sent off to battle. Anxiety about the day ahead, fear of what may come, restlessness about the battle and excitement to put all that you have worked and trained into motion. (I admire greatly the discipline and calling of our men and women in all branches of the military and ask God now to protect them and be with them.) I know that my anxiety of possible failure can be replaced by God's everlasting grace and peace, that the fear will disappear when I know more about who God is and feel confident in His word. The restlessness in my spirit is there so that I can stay focused on Him and hold on to him with every last breath,
Malachi 3 verses 6-12
I feel like God is leading me to this scripture tonight. The holy spirit is urging me to make sure that our tithe is current and that we exhibit good stewardship with our finances. Scripture states that you tithe so that no curse will come on my house. I also know that Jesus' blood covered the old testiment laws. But they were still there to bring blessings on God's people and if God is the same yesturday today and forever His blessings would be the same too. It's more than just the financial however, it is about trust. This past year has been so difficult financially for our household. We had a budget that was based on a two salary income. How devastating when we realized that my income would not happen. God is faithful and because of who He is we have been able to survive up to this point. My famiy has helped us out considerably be differing our rent for a time. But in all of this God has shown himself strong to us. So do I trust Him? Do I believe He loves me enough to care about my every need? I know that my earthly father does. How much more does God care?
I repent God of withholding tithes and offerings and not making them my first financial priority. I repent of not putting all my trust in you. I will gladly give out of a place of Praise to you because this is what you ask of me. I will trust you with all my finances and with my very physical self. I become a temple and my heart an alter to you my king. Send me oportunities to prove my trust to you God. Give me more of you that my inner soul becomes flooded with your love and mercy. I turn to you God and run, sprint to your throne room and ask boldly, "Will you do a work in me God? Make me more like you God. Speak to me and I will listen......."
The quiet hours of the morning
This is my first blog and for those who do not know me I am a 29 year old wife and mother of two, that has grown up singing and dancing. It is and has always been a very large part of who God created me to be. Currently I am the director of a dance studio that is a ministry of our church. I have fought the weight battle for years and have taken a sabbatical this summer to iron out my personal life that I may be more affective as a wife and mother, as well as a Director and Evangelist.
It is obvious to me now that if I am going to change; mentally, spiritually, and physically, the hours that the Lord will mold me and shape me are in the middle of the night. When children are sleeping and silence falls on the house. Only the dryer and the filter in the fish tank are running creating a nice white noise that my mind can ignore. Praise God for silence.
This is a turning point for me. A new beginning. If God can forgive me of my past surely he can forgive me of my gluttony and heal me totally from the inside out.
Ouch. I am a type D personality and to have this challenge laid out before me in black and white helps me to see how truly passive I have become about my health.
I have gone through all the necessary prerequisites for lap band surgery, but me 300 lb active self is battling over the decision to go through with it.
It would not be the easy way. In fact, it is probably much more difficult than if God would just do His thing in me and give me self Control. A fruit of the Spirit I evidently lack.
So here is my fleece. For 1 month I will blog my emotional, siritual and physical, asking God for deliverance and weight loss. I will write positive and neative thoughts and weigh myself periodically so I don't get discouraged. I will submit my flesh to the Lord and fast all sugar, coffee, soda, and bread fro 30 days.(Currently these are staples in my diet.) I will use my Garden as a place of nourishiment and cut my portions down to what they are supposed to be.
I will also spend at least 30 munutes alone with God each day and 30 minutes working out. I have a fleece thrown out before God and I am going to test His Word.
Jeremiah 31 verses 3 and 4
I have loved you with an everlasting love
I hae drawn you with loving kindness
I will build you up again
and you will be rebuil, O Virgin Israel
Again you will take up your tambourines
and go out to dance with the joyful.
Thank you God. Oh that you love a sinner like me, an obese, washed up former shell of who you have called me to be. I see in you not the past Cori, but a new Cori, that accepts your everlasting love. God your word says you have drawn me with love and kindness. Even now you looked at me with grace and mercy. The promise "I will build you up again, and you will be rebuilt," I hold onto and lay before you God, that you will reconstruct me and renew me and cause me to be better in all way then before. And that again God, I will dance with Joy!
It is obvious to me now that if I am going to change; mentally, spiritually, and physically, the hours that the Lord will mold me and shape me are in the middle of the night. When children are sleeping and silence falls on the house. Only the dryer and the filter in the fish tank are running creating a nice white noise that my mind can ignore. Praise God for silence.
This is a turning point for me. A new beginning. If God can forgive me of my past surely he can forgive me of my gluttony and heal me totally from the inside out.
Ouch. I am a type D personality and to have this challenge laid out before me in black and white helps me to see how truly passive I have become about my health.
I have gone through all the necessary prerequisites for lap band surgery, but me 300 lb active self is battling over the decision to go through with it.
It would not be the easy way. In fact, it is probably much more difficult than if God would just do His thing in me and give me self Control. A fruit of the Spirit I evidently lack.
So here is my fleece. For 1 month I will blog my emotional, siritual and physical, asking God for deliverance and weight loss. I will write positive and neative thoughts and weigh myself periodically so I don't get discouraged. I will submit my flesh to the Lord and fast all sugar, coffee, soda, and bread fro 30 days.(Currently these are staples in my diet.) I will use my Garden as a place of nourishiment and cut my portions down to what they are supposed to be.
I will also spend at least 30 munutes alone with God each day and 30 minutes working out. I have a fleece thrown out before God and I am going to test His Word.
Jeremiah 31 verses 3 and 4
I have loved you with an everlasting love
I hae drawn you with loving kindness
I will build you up again
and you will be rebuil, O Virgin Israel
Again you will take up your tambourines
and go out to dance with the joyful.
Thank you God. Oh that you love a sinner like me, an obese, washed up former shell of who you have called me to be. I see in you not the past Cori, but a new Cori, that accepts your everlasting love. God your word says you have drawn me with love and kindness. Even now you looked at me with grace and mercy. The promise "I will build you up again, and you will be rebuilt," I hold onto and lay before you God, that you will reconstruct me and renew me and cause me to be better in all way then before. And that again God, I will dance with Joy!
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