AHHHHHH! Why is it that we as humans travel so quickly back to the things that are bad for us? We know that they can potentially devastate us and yet we pick up our bad habits as if they are a benefit to us. Willingly strapping on what ever atomic bomb best fits your temptations and failures and pretend like the explosion isn't going to eviscerate us or anyone we are close to. Sugar for me is that habit and I have been on a continuous down hill slope since Easter building up a tolerance to my drug of choice. So tomorrow I begin a 10 day liquid fast to break the control it has over my life. Again I seek the Lord for strength and wisdom but most importantly a surrender to Him. That is what I have been missing since Easter. My ability to will myself to surrender all that I crave and all that I am to Him. So I am taking a stand before I reach the point of denial and I cutting sugar out of my life. 10 days of spiritual journey for an outcome that I know will not only make me healthier but stronger spiritually. God doesn't call us to fast because we need to loose weight. He calls us to fast so that the heavy weight of sin can be lifted from us while we seek his face and turn from our wickedness. He calls us to fast not because he desires to hear us wine and complain but because He desires for us to die to our fleshly, carnal thoughts and step out in relationship with Him. There is a reason why it is so hard to give up food in a fast. It can control you. God has broken me from this addiction and now I can not turn back and pick up the habits of fast snacking, sugar and fast foods again. So Again I will beat my body into submission. I am asking God for a plan of health. The Holy Spirit will be my personal trainer for the rest of my life. Who else knows how my body works like God? So why wouldn't he have the solution. I am going to get on my knees and ask the Lord for a plan that will create discipline and structure in my life when it comes to food and excercise. I am going to ask God that my family will be set free from their sugar and junk food addictions and I will be a better mom and wife by not feeding them things that do not provide healthy fuel for the body to function. I am excited about this venture and I am writing it down so that as a part of my journey I can see how far I have come and remind myself that running in circles never gets you to new places.
This 10 days will be another part of my journey in learning my relationship with food. Even though I know what is best for me I have not applied it. What good is reading scripture if it doesn't affect your life? What good is knowing nutritional information if you don't use it to get healthy?
Done with this circle. Time to move on and I am headed for the next 10 days in a very straight line!
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
The Path
THE PATH
written by Cori Herbert for the students of Freedom Christian Schools
A play developed from Psalm 139 that will be performed on May 6, 2010.
(Each line will be performed by a different student. Students will be standing all around the seating of the auditorium and on the stage. )
You know who I am. You know everything about me. You know the very secrets of my heart.
My action does not surprise you. Whether I jump, turn, sway or fall. You see me and knew my path before I chose.
Distance is nothing to you. For even though we are far apart.
You are near. So close that I can feel your very hand in my hand.
Whether I am away from my home or resting in my warm bed. You are there.
I can not run from you. I can not decide where to go with out you knowing where I will be.
You allow me to follow you into the ends of the Earth, into the deepest parts of your heart.
You follow me and protect me. Keeping watch of my back so no one will hurt me.
I feel like a child skipping into his mother's arms. Receiving a gently hug and a pat on the head. So proud you are of me.
The blessings and encouragement that you speak over my life overwhelm me. How do you see so much good in me.
I can't escape from your love. From the tallest mountain to the deepest valley you will find me.
I could be flying high on extreme emotions or living out my life in a desolate island and you would be there with me. Never alone.
I will never be alone. I will be guided by you and strengthened by you.
Even when I am seeking to hide from you, the darkness splinters and you see me as if I were a beacon of light on a dark night.
Like the only star in a moonless sky. You will see me.
Like you saw me in my mother's womb. Not even the Doctor's could predict how I would look or think.
You know how every part of my body works and how each cell was formed together to create
me. Thank you for making me. For choosing to create me.
You have so many thoughts about me. That amazes me. That you think about
me. When I lay down you are there and in the morning you are with me when I wake up to start my day.
Search every part of my thoughts and life. Rip out anything that causes you offense.
Show me the path.
Show me the path
Show me the path.
That leads to everlasting Life
That leads to you.
copyright 2010 Cori Herbert
written by Cori Herbert for the students of Freedom Christian Schools
A play developed from Psalm 139 that will be performed on May 6, 2010.
(Each line will be performed by a different student. Students will be standing all around the seating of the auditorium and on the stage. )
You know who I am. You know everything about me. You know the very secrets of my heart.
My action does not surprise you. Whether I jump, turn, sway or fall. You see me and knew my path before I chose.
Distance is nothing to you. For even though we are far apart.
You are near. So close that I can feel your very hand in my hand.
Whether I am away from my home or resting in my warm bed. You are there.
I can not run from you. I can not decide where to go with out you knowing where I will be.
You allow me to follow you into the ends of the Earth, into the deepest parts of your heart.
You follow me and protect me. Keeping watch of my back so no one will hurt me.
I feel like a child skipping into his mother's arms. Receiving a gently hug and a pat on the head. So proud you are of me.
The blessings and encouragement that you speak over my life overwhelm me. How do you see so much good in me.
I can't escape from your love. From the tallest mountain to the deepest valley you will find me.
I could be flying high on extreme emotions or living out my life in a desolate island and you would be there with me. Never alone.
I will never be alone. I will be guided by you and strengthened by you.
Even when I am seeking to hide from you, the darkness splinters and you see me as if I were a beacon of light on a dark night.
Like the only star in a moonless sky. You will see me.
Like you saw me in my mother's womb. Not even the Doctor's could predict how I would look or think.
You know how every part of my body works and how each cell was formed together to create
me. Thank you for making me. For choosing to create me.
You have so many thoughts about me. That amazes me. That you think about
me. When I lay down you are there and in the morning you are with me when I wake up to start my day.
Search every part of my thoughts and life. Rip out anything that causes you offense.
Show me the path.
Show me the path
Show me the path.
That leads to everlasting Life
That leads to you.
copyright 2010 Cori Herbert
Saturday, March 27, 2010
7-7-7
7-7-7.
The First 7.
God's complete number multiplied in my life. It has been 7 months since my gastric bypass surgery. I have lost 102 pounds and have gained an incredible amount of confidence and security in knowing who I am in Jesus through this time. I have discovered a lot of who I was before I gained the weight and with that, also discovered why I gained the weight. God is so incredibly patient and faithful. The mysteries of the world He would show us if we would just take the time to seek Him and ask Him. So that is what I did. I found myself asking the following 7 questions.
The Second 7.
1. Who am I in you God?
Through prayer and fasting I received the following.....
You are my beautiful daughter. Amazingly made and fashioned in my image. In you I see someone who will love my people. Who will extend herself to those around you and give unselfishly to bring me glory. You are my chosen. My worker in a ready to harvest field of people that I love so dearly. I created you to be creative so that you can catch peoples attention in their hectic life and get permission from them to share the greatest story ever told. You are my compassion to a hopeless, love starved world and my creativity to world that lacks purpose. You are worth the greatest gift, My son. I see you in all you do. I am with you when you are crying for the lost and hurting and rejoicing over you as you seek me. You are my child. My daughter, whom I love.
2. What is my purpose?
( God spoke to me one morning while I was in devotion...)
I have never taken your calling or purpose away. I instilled you a dream and vision to evangelize and take back the arts. My arts that I created and enjoy. You gave up on your dream and your thoughts led you to a place of void and disaster. With out vision my people parish. When you left your food addiction take hold of your life you traded in your dreams for a life of unhappiness and depression. It is those dreams inside of you, the gifts and talents I gave you that drive you toward me. It is your creative expression that unites you and I in the spirit. I am at one with you when you dance. Others need to experience me like this, Others need to see how I dance with you. Your purpose is to use dance to bring others to me. Teaching others and showing others this side of me.
3. Why do I feel so unworthy?
God proceeded to show me that all the great men and women of faith in the bible felt unworthy and were. There was not one perfect among them yet by faith (Hebrew 11) they stepped out and followed God. Feeling are a human thing that often is bound in our flesh. We need to break away from the trap of following out feelings and allow the holy spirit to guide our thought. Instead of developing our inner man, our Ego or Id, we need to develop our spiritual man.
4. How can I be a better......
daughter to you Lord....
Meet with me daily and listen to me with an obedient heart.
wife to Jeremiah...
Remember that I have created you for him and he for you. Encourage him and build him up. Be supportive of his dreams and visions and know that they are from me. Keep your home a place of love and do away with contentious behavior. Love him unconditionally like I do you.
mother to Sam and Zion....
Patience. Just as I have waited for you to grow and mature, taking time to hold you and teach you, do the same for them. They are my precious ones. I have entrusted them to you for this time to train them and raise them up in my ways so that they will know me. I have great plans for them.
Leader of leaders...
This you need much work on. Serve others. Serve them regardless of how they treat you. Love them regardless of what they speak about you. Teach them how to be selfless and deeply care about them so they will recognize me in you.
5.When will I understand your timing and favor?
You may never understand but you will learn to appreciate that I am in control and know the order of the universe. You work out of your own ability to much and lack the desire to wait on me. Look to Jeremiah to establish your pace. Feverishly you work with out my favor because I have not called you to that work. Rely on my and I will not remove my face from you.
6. Am I growing in you Lord?
Being completely transparent with the world I have to admit that I feel like I am so infantile. I should be so much farther in my faith than what I am. I hunger so deeply for the Lord and yet I miss it so many times. Teach me Lord. I want to grow. I want to know and I want to show others more about you.
7. When do I most make you happy God?
Although I like it when you are dancing with me or singing with me, loving your husband through me or blessing your children in my name, you make me most happy when you spend time in my word and talk to me. I love you. I want to fellowship with you so you will know me more.
The last 7.
There are 7 days in a week. My goal is to meet with the Lord at least 7 minutes a day for 7 days a week for the next 7 weeks. A great habit that will totally change my life. I challenge everyone reading this to do the same. Pass it on and see what God does in our nation! Only He can change us. Only He can heal us.
The First 7.
God's complete number multiplied in my life. It has been 7 months since my gastric bypass surgery. I have lost 102 pounds and have gained an incredible amount of confidence and security in knowing who I am in Jesus through this time. I have discovered a lot of who I was before I gained the weight and with that, also discovered why I gained the weight. God is so incredibly patient and faithful. The mysteries of the world He would show us if we would just take the time to seek Him and ask Him. So that is what I did. I found myself asking the following 7 questions.
The Second 7.
1. Who am I in you God?
Through prayer and fasting I received the following.....
You are my beautiful daughter. Amazingly made and fashioned in my image. In you I see someone who will love my people. Who will extend herself to those around you and give unselfishly to bring me glory. You are my chosen. My worker in a ready to harvest field of people that I love so dearly. I created you to be creative so that you can catch peoples attention in their hectic life and get permission from them to share the greatest story ever told. You are my compassion to a hopeless, love starved world and my creativity to world that lacks purpose. You are worth the greatest gift, My son. I see you in all you do. I am with you when you are crying for the lost and hurting and rejoicing over you as you seek me. You are my child. My daughter, whom I love.
2. What is my purpose?
( God spoke to me one morning while I was in devotion...)
I have never taken your calling or purpose away. I instilled you a dream and vision to evangelize and take back the arts. My arts that I created and enjoy. You gave up on your dream and your thoughts led you to a place of void and disaster. With out vision my people parish. When you left your food addiction take hold of your life you traded in your dreams for a life of unhappiness and depression. It is those dreams inside of you, the gifts and talents I gave you that drive you toward me. It is your creative expression that unites you and I in the spirit. I am at one with you when you dance. Others need to experience me like this, Others need to see how I dance with you. Your purpose is to use dance to bring others to me. Teaching others and showing others this side of me.
3. Why do I feel so unworthy?
God proceeded to show me that all the great men and women of faith in the bible felt unworthy and were. There was not one perfect among them yet by faith (Hebrew 11) they stepped out and followed God. Feeling are a human thing that often is bound in our flesh. We need to break away from the trap of following out feelings and allow the holy spirit to guide our thought. Instead of developing our inner man, our Ego or Id, we need to develop our spiritual man.
4. How can I be a better......
daughter to you Lord....
Meet with me daily and listen to me with an obedient heart.
wife to Jeremiah...
Remember that I have created you for him and he for you. Encourage him and build him up. Be supportive of his dreams and visions and know that they are from me. Keep your home a place of love and do away with contentious behavior. Love him unconditionally like I do you.
mother to Sam and Zion....
Patience. Just as I have waited for you to grow and mature, taking time to hold you and teach you, do the same for them. They are my precious ones. I have entrusted them to you for this time to train them and raise them up in my ways so that they will know me. I have great plans for them.
Leader of leaders...
This you need much work on. Serve others. Serve them regardless of how they treat you. Love them regardless of what they speak about you. Teach them how to be selfless and deeply care about them so they will recognize me in you.
5.When will I understand your timing and favor?
You may never understand but you will learn to appreciate that I am in control and know the order of the universe. You work out of your own ability to much and lack the desire to wait on me. Look to Jeremiah to establish your pace. Feverishly you work with out my favor because I have not called you to that work. Rely on my and I will not remove my face from you.
6. Am I growing in you Lord?
Being completely transparent with the world I have to admit that I feel like I am so infantile. I should be so much farther in my faith than what I am. I hunger so deeply for the Lord and yet I miss it so many times. Teach me Lord. I want to grow. I want to know and I want to show others more about you.
7. When do I most make you happy God?
Although I like it when you are dancing with me or singing with me, loving your husband through me or blessing your children in my name, you make me most happy when you spend time in my word and talk to me. I love you. I want to fellowship with you so you will know me more.
The last 7.
There are 7 days in a week. My goal is to meet with the Lord at least 7 minutes a day for 7 days a week for the next 7 weeks. A great habit that will totally change my life. I challenge everyone reading this to do the same. Pass it on and see what God does in our nation! Only He can change us. Only He can heal us.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
.Momma says knock you out!
Around and around my life over the last twelve years has been a battle of constant loss and set backs. Feeling so defeated by my inability to control my weight and my decision making process when it comes to food, I believe drastic times call for drastic measures. In a family that has a long history of diabetes, heart failure, and overall morbid obesity, it is time to change. Not only for my dreams and ambitions to be fulfilled but so that my children have the opportunity to learn what a healthy relationship with food should be. So I am ending a year and a half long journey at this point of deciding whether or not to have gastric bypass. I decided about six months ago that God would be okay with this decision and that He would work through this decision. I am not taking the easy way out. I know the difficulty of the surgery prep and recover times as well as the emotional aspects of this part of my journey and I am saying "Satan has no power over me!" Freedom is around the corner and I delight in knowing that during this part of my journey I have a peace and a HOPE. I love that word. HOPE. It does so much for your psyche. Just knowing that my surgery is around the corner has brought back a spark. My parents used to coach me for dance competitions when I was younger, and they would ask if I had the "Eye of the Tiger" referencing the Rocky movie with Mr. T. I haven't felt ready to take on a battle in a long time, and even now at 3 am in the morning I am ready to fight. Hope of success, Hope of Life, Hope of seeing my great grandchildren, HOPE gives me thats spark I needed to redifine my weight loss goals and include surgery.
God Bless my Husband who has watched the woman that he loves stand in a boxing ring and throw all her energy at beating herself up. Now the mitts go on and the enemy goes down. I will battle with the Weight monster and I will knock him out with my right and left puches of HOPE!
God Bless my Husband who has watched the woman that he loves stand in a boxing ring and throw all her energy at beating herself up. Now the mitts go on and the enemy goes down. I will battle with the Weight monster and I will knock him out with my right and left puches of HOPE!
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
How Fast is that Hot Rod God?
I get it now Lord. The Fast Hot Rod that I felt you were calling me into is not a vehicle to get me to my determination in a shorter amount of time, it is however an actual fast. God you have called me to get a handle on my eating and what better way than to ask you to help me break my addiction through a fast. I am not sure what this fast entails. I do know that I will be permited liquids and soups. I believe God is calling me to eat pureed food during the day and one healthy balenced meal at 6:00 pm. I had a very difficult time figuring out what I was supposed to do. When it comes to food, It screams so loudly to me that it is hard forme to here what the Lor wants for me.
I commit now to a fast on this journey Lord. Strengthen me that I may know when I am supposed to eat and what I am supposed to eat. If and when I fail lord, show grace and mercy to me. Allow me to have strength to start again and not give up. Speak to my soul Holy Spirit so I can hear you.
In your son's holy name, Jesus, I give you this now. Amen
I commit now to a fast on this journey Lord. Strengthen me that I may know when I am supposed to eat and what I am supposed to eat. If and when I fail lord, show grace and mercy to me. Allow me to have strength to start again and not give up. Speak to my soul Holy Spirit so I can hear you.
In your son's holy name, Jesus, I give you this now. Amen
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Off the Wagon and Jumping into a Hot Rod
Retched! One week of busy schedules and an almost two year old teething and I am off the wagon and eating bread and sugar. This is the time when most people would say to me, "It's okay hon, tomorrow is another day." Well tomorrow is here and another and another and another and cotton pickin how easy is it to return to your old ways. I know a dog returns to its vomit. I have watched in utter disgust while our 7 year old boston terrier enjoys his meals a second time. And yet I can't help but wonder if that is not how God looks at my measly attempts.
I know that I should not beat myself up......and for all intense purposes I feel I am doing quite well compared to former Wagon "Stops" but I can't help but think how ridiculous it is for me to have to continue to get the courage to even stand up to the giant now that taunts me and knows my first middle and last name. So here I go again. Our church just finished a remarkable week of spiritual growth, God showed himself faithful in so many areas. Salvations and healings took place and I would be dishonest if I said I wasn't expecting something from God. I wanted a supernatural shrinking. There are many accounts of his glory falling in a room and people dropping dress and pant sizes. I had a longing for this to be the case, But then I realized that God is healing me. It's more than the outside weight that He wants to take from me.
He wants to take the pain, the emotional connection I have with food and the stress of my life away. He wants to heal me from the inside. He wants me to flourish in all of the gifts of the fruit. Not just the ones that are easy for me.
So now I am once again jumping into God's word and his will for my life. I am an addict. Today an addict in rehab. But I don't want to focus on the trial instead let me just say that I am leaving the wagon behind. To many times falling off has given me a bruised bottom. Instead, God just pulled up in my favorite muscle car, and He and I will start a new journey today in His Hot Rod.
I know that I should not beat myself up......and for all intense purposes I feel I am doing quite well compared to former Wagon "Stops" but I can't help but think how ridiculous it is for me to have to continue to get the courage to even stand up to the giant now that taunts me and knows my first middle and last name. So here I go again. Our church just finished a remarkable week of spiritual growth, God showed himself faithful in so many areas. Salvations and healings took place and I would be dishonest if I said I wasn't expecting something from God. I wanted a supernatural shrinking. There are many accounts of his glory falling in a room and people dropping dress and pant sizes. I had a longing for this to be the case, But then I realized that God is healing me. It's more than the outside weight that He wants to take from me.
He wants to take the pain, the emotional connection I have with food and the stress of my life away. He wants to heal me from the inside. He wants me to flourish in all of the gifts of the fruit. Not just the ones that are easy for me.
So now I am once again jumping into God's word and his will for my life. I am an addict. Today an addict in rehab. But I don't want to focus on the trial instead let me just say that I am leaving the wagon behind. To many times falling off has given me a bruised bottom. Instead, God just pulled up in my favorite muscle car, and He and I will start a new journey today in His Hot Rod.
Monday, June 15, 2009
Is my offering acceptable?
It is the second night now of my journey and I couldn't wait to see what God has for me. It is more exciting then when I was little and got captivated by the Little House on the Prairie series by Laura Ingles Wilder. I think I finished the whole set in two days. I want to know what God has for me. I want to know Him and experience what He has for me.
I was very conscience today of my eating. Overall I feel like a new person. Praise God for his faithfulness. I have 1 day down and my next is about to dawn. It is now 5 am and once again all that is happening in my home is the dryer and the fish tank with a chorus of birds beginning outside.
I imagine that what I am feeling inside is something like that of a soldier sent off to battle. Anxiety about the day ahead, fear of what may come, restlessness about the battle and excitement to put all that you have worked and trained into motion. (I admire greatly the discipline and calling of our men and women in all branches of the military and ask God now to protect them and be with them.) I know that my anxiety of possible failure can be replaced by God's everlasting grace and peace, that the fear will disappear when I know more about who God is and feel confident in His word. The restlessness in my spirit is there so that I can stay focused on Him and hold on to him with every last breath,
Malachi 3 verses 6-12
I feel like God is leading me to this scripture tonight. The holy spirit is urging me to make sure that our tithe is current and that we exhibit good stewardship with our finances. Scripture states that you tithe so that no curse will come on my house. I also know that Jesus' blood covered the old testiment laws. But they were still there to bring blessings on God's people and if God is the same yesturday today and forever His blessings would be the same too. It's more than just the financial however, it is about trust. This past year has been so difficult financially for our household. We had a budget that was based on a two salary income. How devastating when we realized that my income would not happen. God is faithful and because of who He is we have been able to survive up to this point. My famiy has helped us out considerably be differing our rent for a time. But in all of this God has shown himself strong to us. So do I trust Him? Do I believe He loves me enough to care about my every need? I know that my earthly father does. How much more does God care?
I repent God of withholding tithes and offerings and not making them my first financial priority. I repent of not putting all my trust in you. I will gladly give out of a place of Praise to you because this is what you ask of me. I will trust you with all my finances and with my very physical self. I become a temple and my heart an alter to you my king. Send me oportunities to prove my trust to you God. Give me more of you that my inner soul becomes flooded with your love and mercy. I turn to you God and run, sprint to your throne room and ask boldly, "Will you do a work in me God? Make me more like you God. Speak to me and I will listen......."
I was very conscience today of my eating. Overall I feel like a new person. Praise God for his faithfulness. I have 1 day down and my next is about to dawn. It is now 5 am and once again all that is happening in my home is the dryer and the fish tank with a chorus of birds beginning outside.
I imagine that what I am feeling inside is something like that of a soldier sent off to battle. Anxiety about the day ahead, fear of what may come, restlessness about the battle and excitement to put all that you have worked and trained into motion. (I admire greatly the discipline and calling of our men and women in all branches of the military and ask God now to protect them and be with them.) I know that my anxiety of possible failure can be replaced by God's everlasting grace and peace, that the fear will disappear when I know more about who God is and feel confident in His word. The restlessness in my spirit is there so that I can stay focused on Him and hold on to him with every last breath,
Malachi 3 verses 6-12
I feel like God is leading me to this scripture tonight. The holy spirit is urging me to make sure that our tithe is current and that we exhibit good stewardship with our finances. Scripture states that you tithe so that no curse will come on my house. I also know that Jesus' blood covered the old testiment laws. But they were still there to bring blessings on God's people and if God is the same yesturday today and forever His blessings would be the same too. It's more than just the financial however, it is about trust. This past year has been so difficult financially for our household. We had a budget that was based on a two salary income. How devastating when we realized that my income would not happen. God is faithful and because of who He is we have been able to survive up to this point. My famiy has helped us out considerably be differing our rent for a time. But in all of this God has shown himself strong to us. So do I trust Him? Do I believe He loves me enough to care about my every need? I know that my earthly father does. How much more does God care?
I repent God of withholding tithes and offerings and not making them my first financial priority. I repent of not putting all my trust in you. I will gladly give out of a place of Praise to you because this is what you ask of me. I will trust you with all my finances and with my very physical self. I become a temple and my heart an alter to you my king. Send me oportunities to prove my trust to you God. Give me more of you that my inner soul becomes flooded with your love and mercy. I turn to you God and run, sprint to your throne room and ask boldly, "Will you do a work in me God? Make me more like you God. Speak to me and I will listen......."
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