Retched! One week of busy schedules and an almost two year old teething and I am off the wagon and eating bread and sugar. This is the time when most people would say to me, "It's okay hon, tomorrow is another day." Well tomorrow is here and another and another and another and cotton pickin how easy is it to return to your old ways. I know a dog returns to its vomit. I have watched in utter disgust while our 7 year old boston terrier enjoys his meals a second time. And yet I can't help but wonder if that is not how God looks at my measly attempts.
I know that I should not beat myself up......and for all intense purposes I feel I am doing quite well compared to former Wagon "Stops" but I can't help but think how ridiculous it is for me to have to continue to get the courage to even stand up to the giant now that taunts me and knows my first middle and last name. So here I go again. Our church just finished a remarkable week of spiritual growth, God showed himself faithful in so many areas. Salvations and healings took place and I would be dishonest if I said I wasn't expecting something from God. I wanted a supernatural shrinking. There are many accounts of his glory falling in a room and people dropping dress and pant sizes. I had a longing for this to be the case, But then I realized that God is healing me. It's more than the outside weight that He wants to take from me.
He wants to take the pain, the emotional connection I have with food and the stress of my life away. He wants to heal me from the inside. He wants me to flourish in all of the gifts of the fruit. Not just the ones that are easy for me.
So now I am once again jumping into God's word and his will for my life. I am an addict. Today an addict in rehab. But I don't want to focus on the trial instead let me just say that I am leaving the wagon behind. To many times falling off has given me a bruised bottom. Instead, God just pulled up in my favorite muscle car, and He and I will start a new journey today in His Hot Rod.
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